• Maury Povich is gaining on Oprah Winfrey in the daytime ratings war, and while I'm not personally a fan of Maury's show, I would love to see him kick Oprah's fat ass. I tried watching an episode of Oprah's show the other day, but it was the most boring crap I've ever seen! I changed the channel after about five minutes. I remember when that fat cow was doing shows about strippers and killers, but now she babbles non-stop about spirituality and Deepak Chopra and other boring bullshit. Get with the times, Oprah. Nobody gives a damn about your New Age religious fanaticism, we just want to be entertained.
• Saturday night at a party in Antioch, I got drunker than I've ever been in my life. To give you an idea of how drunk I was, I wasn't even able to flirt. I kept staring at these girls Marie and Renee, but I was too fucked up to even say anything. I have little or no memory of what happened after that, but I wandered out of the party in my drunken stupor and walked around the streets for a little bit. A couple cops happened to drive past, and realizing how drunk I was, they stopped me and told me to get in the back of the squad car. The lady cop made me take a breathalyzer test (and I failed miserably), and then she called somebody to pick me up. She easily could've taken me to jail for public drunkenness, but I guess she knew I wouldn't survive in there very long. Thank God.
• Have you seen the commercials for that stupid movie, Save The Last Dance? It's the most blatant act of reverse-racism I've ever seen! Here's the plot of the movie: a privileged white girl moves to the ghetto and learns how to act "black" in order to fit in. As if that's not bad enough, the advertisements for the movie say "The only person you need to be in yourself." I guess the producers were too stupid to notice the irony in that statement.
• On Wednesday, MTV stopped airing their regular programming for 18 hours to promote hate crime awareness. Call me crazy, but aren't all violent crimes motivated by hate? I sure hate the MTV executive who came up with the idea for this glorified publicity stunt. They should have just skipped all the self-righteous blabber and aired a Tom Green marathon instead. People would've actually watched that. And doesn't MTV's hypocrisy make you sick? Over the past twenty years on MTV, I've watched rappers beat the shit out of a fake Vanilla Ice with baseball bats, I've seen Dr. Dre shoot a fake Eazy E in the back, and I've watched a hooker get raped in a Metallica video. If anybody should be preaching to us about hate and violence, it sure as fuck isn't MTV.
• Bad Influence and Rave have both become ordained ministers. And no, I'm not joking. Listen to this week's upcoming show for an explanation of how that happened. I have to cut this column short, because I still have a headache from all that drinking last night. Be sure to listen to this week's show - I'm going to have some sound clips from Fred Phelps, that psychotic reverend that Big Tone loves so much.
