As you may have heard, the Court of Appeals has said that Napster will have to shut down its mp3-swapping service, at least until an agreement can be reached with the recording industry. Many musicians have already jumped to the defense of Napster, including rap singer Chuck D and rock bands like Billy Corgan, Limp Bizkit, the Rosenbergs and Ben Folds Five. Unfortunately, there are many more artists who feel the need to publicly bash Napster and the people who use it. If that's not arrogant enough, some of these greedy fucks have joined Artists Against Piracy, a group specifically dedicated to bringing down Napster and mp3-sharing forever.

I decided to compile a brief list of the musicians who have spoken out against Napster, along with an example of how they truly feel about you, the music fan. You won't hear this stuff on MTV, since it makes the artists look like the greedy millionaires that they are. Take note - these are the people do not want you to download music for free. These people are greedy, money-hungry bastards who rip you off every time you pay $20 for a CD. Don't forget what you're about to read. After each quote, I have written a response.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the greediest bastards in music...

EMINEM: "When I worked 9 to 5, I expected to get a paycheck every week. It's the same with music. If I'm putting my heart and all my time into my music, I expect to get rewarded for that. And if you can afford to have a computer, you can afford to pay $16 for my CD.''

My response: You already know what I think about Marshall Mathers, so I'll keep this short and sweet. He's just a punk from Detroit who tries to market himself as some kind of a bad-ass rebel, and it might fool his TRL-watching teenybopper fans, but it's quite obvious to me that he's really just another shill for the recording industry. There isn't a rebellious bone in Eminem's scrawny little body. He has proven himself to be the epitome of white trash (getting into public fights with his slut wife, pulling unloaded guns on people), so why would I be surprised that he opposes Napster? This is also just another example of Eminem kissing Dr. Dre's ass, since it was Dre who filed one of the first lawsuits against Napster. I just hope that someday, in the not-so-distant future, I'll get a chance to meet Eminem in person and kick his trailer-park ass. Until then, I hope he has fun doing that duet with Elton John at the Grammy. What a fucking sellout.

METALLICA: "The court's decision confirms that Napster was wrong in taking Metallica's music."

My response: When was the last time you heard a new Metallica song in the Top 40? Those middle-aged losers need to pack their bags and call it quits. They're only in the music industry for the money and the free blowjobs.

JIMMY BUFFET: "(Napster is) probably the most serious thing that can undermine an artist's catalog.''

My response: Why the hell are people interviewing Jimmy Buffet about Napster? If this guy is such a great artist, just try to name one Jimmy Buffet song besides "Margaritaville." Can't think of anything, can you? That worthless drunk had one hit with "Margaritaville," and he was rendered obsolete by the recording industry years ago! The only thing that Jimmy Buffet is good for now is comedy... did you see him get ejected from the Orlando Heat game last week? He was sitting in the front row with his little kid, yelling the F-word and other assorted insults at the referee, and security had to escort Jimmy to the back of the arena. That's a real class act, Jimmy.

CRACKER: "It's interesting to note that the overwhelming majority of support for Napster comes from musicians and fans of rock music. Whereas prominent hip-hop artists oppose Napster, Dr. Dre being the most vocal. I suspect that many black artists see Napster for what it is, an easy way for white middle class kids to get their music for free."

My response: So, according to the white lead-singer of a rock band that nobody cares about, the fight over Napster is really a race issue at the core. Thanks for the social commentary, asshole. I guess nobody explained to Cracker that Chuck D is an outspoken supporter of Napster... and he also happens to be black. I find it hilarious that a white guy thinks he can speak for black artists everywhere - maybe he also thinks all black people look alike, too. Cracker is definitely an appropriate name for that band.

GARTH BROOKS: "I will not make music again if my record label does not show me some kind of protection for the art that I deliver them. I'm dumbfounded why this is going on."

My response: That's some pretty liberal use of the word "art," isn't it? It's not exactly Beethoven's fucking Fifth when that pudgy, middle-aged loser sings about having friends in low places. Garth Brooks (or does he want to be called Chris Gaines now?) obviously has no respect for his fans; just look at how many times he's threatened to retire on them. He is a loser in the purest sense of the word.

I could write an entire book about the other greedy bastards in music, but quite frankly, I don't have the energy. There are just too many of 'em. To find out who some of the other anti-Napster artists are, just go to the Artists Against Piracy website and click on "artists" for a complete list. These people have become millionaires off our money, and now they're doing everything in their power to take away our fun. Do yourself a favor... don't let them.