It's Thursday night and the weekend is looking promising, so I decided to write an article about my favorite subject in the world... beer! I've never been a big fan of wine coolers and champagne, and I'm literally allergic to wine, so beer is definitely the drink of choice for me. I like hard liquor too, but that's going to be a separate article.
In the meantime, here's a look at my favorite beers, along with a quick review and a description of why you should drink them:
Miller Genuine Draft: If you're looking for a good beer that won't make you stand out in a crowd, go for one of these babies. MGD isn't the kind of drink that makes people think of you as unique and original, but it also won't make them think of you as white trash, which is always a plus. If you're going to buy some MGD, you might as well just skip getting the 40 and go for a twelve pack instead. It usually runs about $9 for a dozen.
Bud Ice: This is a smooth, good-tasting beer, and while it's certainly not unique by any means, it does have a cool bottle that looks like chipped ice at the top. I don't usually buy Bud Ice, because it costs me too much money just to get drunk (which I can do with malt liquor for considerably cheaper), but I do enjoy a Bud Ice now and then when other people are paying. A twelve pack of Bud Ice costs about $10.
Mickey's: This is probably the best tasting of all the malt liquors, but it also has the least alcohol content (only 5.6% in most areas). Nevertheless, Mickey's is undeniably cool. There's a little cartoon bee on the label, and it's always refreshing to see a cartoon character on a beer bottle. There are even little jokes on the underside of every bottle cap. As if all that's not cool enough, you might recall seeing the characters from the movie SLC Punk drinking Mickey's, proving once again that Mickey's is the choice of cool people. Be warned, though - it's one of the most expensive malt liquors. One 40 of Mickey's can run around $3.00 at most liquor stores.
Country Club: This is the beer that I drink when I'm low on cash. Be careful where you drink it, though, because Country Club literally screams "white trash." You can get two 40 ounce bottles of this stuff for only $3.00 at any Safeway supermarket. Country Club wins the Freeman Award for "Beer Most Likely To Be Bought With Food Stamps." It doesn't taste incredibly good, and it tastes even less appealing coming back up - but for a low price like that, how picky can you really be?
St. Ides: This malt liquor isn't the best tasting, but it wins points for the funny ad campaign that it had back in the early 90's. To reach their target market, black youth, they used rappers Ice Cube and the Geto Boys as spokesmen. The slogan was - and I'm not making this up - "get your girl in the mood quicker, get your Jimmy thicker." You have to love any beer with an ad campaign like that. The alcohol content is St. Ides is 7.3%, which isn't bad.
Steel Reserve: I buy Steel Reserve more than any other brand, but this beer tastes like absolute shit. Steel Reserve's claim to fame is that it's "slow brewed for a minimum of 28 days," but apparently that wasn't enough time to get the taste of feces out of it. Steel Reserve has an alchohol level of 8.1%, though, which makes it one of the most toxic beers around. If you choose to drink Steel Reserve, think of it as medicine - it might not taste good, but it'll make you feel better.
Schlitz Bull Ice: If there is a beer with more alcohol content, I haven't been able to find it at any Bay Area liquor stores. Much like Steel Reserve, Bull Ice tastes like shit - but the alcohol content is 8.2%, which is slightly higher than Steel's rate. If you want to get fucked up and you don't care much about taste, this is the beer for you. And hey, after you've had about 40 ounces of this shit, try to say "Schlitz Bull Ice" five times fast.
So there you have it... my favorite beers. Before I end this article, though, let me throw in a little shameless preaching. I know it sounds obvious, but you really should be careful about drinking and driving. As somebody who is living on borrowed time, I realize how easy it is for accidents to happen when you get behind the wheel of a car after you've been drinking. I know a lot of people who are willing to drive drunk, since they have little or no respect for their own lives - but in most drunk driving accidents, it's the sober people who die... leaving the drunks to live the rest of their lives with a heavy conscience. So there, that's the end of my preaching - I promise never to do it again.
And remember, as long as you're in a safe enviornment and you have a designated driver, there's nothing wrong with washing your pain away with a beer... or three... or seven... or...
See you next week.
