The news is overloaded with information about the Chinese hostage situation, so I figured it was about time for me to comment on it. In case you've been living under a rock, here's basically what happened - a US spy plane was flying in international airspace and it accidentally bumped into a Chinese jet fighter. Upon making an emergency landing, the Americans aboard the spy plane were taken hostage by the Chinese. The Chinese pilot wasn't so lucky, though; he died in the crash.

Now, the Chinese feel that the United States should make a formal apology for the accident, but the U.S. government only cares about getting the hostages back. George Bush and Colin Powell have made it clear that we're not going to apologize to China for what happened. I think George should just buy one of those special "I'm Sorry We Killed Your Jet Fighter Pilot" cards from Hallmark, slap a stamp on it, and let this whole thing be over with. Maybe he could Fed Ex an order of chow-mein along with it, just to prove that he's not an uncultured hick from Texas. I really don't know why China cares so much about their dead pilot anyway - their own government kills more Chinese people than the U.S. would ever consider killing.

If the United States actually did go to war with China over this, me and all my lazy twentysomething American friends would be in for trouble. You see, China has over a million soldiers in their army, so the U.S. would probably have to reinstate the draft just to compete with them. That would be bad news for me, since I'm 21 years old and in good health. They'd probably put me right on the frontline so I could get killed first. No thanks, Georgie!

• In other news, Johnny Depp has announced that he considers America "too violent" for his daughter. He decided to raise his little girl in France instead, where he claims there aren't as many school shootings. It's good to see that money hasn't changed Johnny. Be sure to go watch his totally non-violent film about cocaine trafficking, playing in a dangerous American theatre near you. And yes, I'm being sarcastic.

• I got an e-mail from some guy who wanted to know if I was still an alcoholic. Well, maybe the following story can answer that question...

I've gotten drunk every night of the week so far. My budget is tighter than it's ever been, so I've been drinking a lot of Country Club and other cheap beers that I can get for under three bucks. On Monday night, my friend Ringo and I went down to Crogan's, a nightclub in Walnut Creek, California, and I wanted to buy myself some hard liquor. I could only afford one shot of tequila, though, so I figured I wouldn't be getting very drunk. For whatever reason, the tequila just tasted especially bad, and I puked it right back up (in the parking lot of the club). That's the fastest I've ever vomited with the least amount of alcohol. I'm slipping, folks.

• I got an e-mail from a guy named Andre (who lives in New Jersey) and he tells me that he has started a Bob Freeman Show fan-club on Yahoo. That does my ego good, so be sure to check out Andre's club when you get a chance. He's just getting it started, but it currently has a message board and some pictures from the website.

That's all the time I have for this week's edition of Freeman's Fire, but stay tuned to BobFreemanShow.com for other updates in the next couple days. We're starting to update the website more and more often, and there should be a new edition of Sean's column (Sean Sez...) in the next day or so.

See you later.