Some asshole from Wisconsin is suing the cable company for making his family addicted to cable television… and I couldn’t be happier. Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit. The guy blames Charter for his TV addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac report.

Now, normally, I hate litigious bastards with a fucking vengeance. This still stands true. I just happen to find a certain joy in watching a TV company get sued for their customer’s misuse of their product. Ya see, NBC’s “West Wing” had no problem with making victims out of people who purchased tobacco products (despite the fact every tobacco product out there since ‘65 has an obvious fucking warning on it), so I’d love to see that network defend itself if some psychotic asshole killed somebody in tribute to every murder he’s ever witnessed on “Law & Order.” Or how about if every “Jackass”-watching dickhead who has tuned into “Fear Factor” attempted to tight-rope walk over a major city street… and didn’t succeed? Pay, NBC. Empty your fucking wallet out. Or how about all those alcohol ads that ABC force-feeds the public during Monday Night Football? Somebody gets drunk and pulls a hit-and-run on a baby’s brain on the way back to the liquor store? Pay, Eisner, pay like a motherfucker! Afterall, it was your ABC News that implied two stupid fucking teenagers blasted some guys on Interstate 40 just because they played Grand Theft Auto, right?

My point is, the bleeding-heart dildos who run these networks need to realize that by supporting these litigious assholes with unquestioning dramas and news reports, they’re just adding to their own future lawsuits. If they don’t depict litigious fucks as what they are, which is… well, litigious fucks… then the networks are going to look like hypocrites when they’re trying to fight off similar lawsuits themselves.

Let’s face it – most people who file lawsuits are assholes. The entertainment industry needs to realize that, before the same assholes shut down that industry.