When I was 14 years old, my relatives warned me never to mess around with Ouija boards, Dungeons & Dragons, or Howard Stern’s radio show. Those three things were enough to turn me into a Satanic madman, my relatives warned me. Sounds interesting, I remember thinking.

I bought my first and only Ouija board the same year. The piece of shit barely moved and I got bored with it less than a month later. I bought a couple Dungeons & Dragons books a few months after that, but I got bored with those within a matter of minutes, because the math that the game involved seemed too much like schoolwork for me.

A couple years later, I discovered Howard Stern’s radio show. I’m still listening today.

Oh, yeah… and I’m still not a Satanic madman.

Unfortunately, society hasn’t matured much between the time I was 14 years old and now. The average moron still seems to believe that a stupid distraction for a kid is enough to turn a child to the “dark side” (take a look at the people who protested Harry Potter books and the Magic card game), despite the fact they have no problem sending kids too-young-to-drink to die in wars. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with war and violence and all the ugliness that this horrible world has to offer, but I think it’s pretty hypocritical for self-righteous assholes to shun fucking games while sending children into death. Get your priorities straight.

Howard Stern isn’t a threat to your children, folks. Neither is a damn Ouija board or a Dungeons & Dragons game. Same goes for Harry Potter books, Magic card games, the Lord of the Rings movies, or Pokemon. Listen to me, ladies and gentlemen, Pikachu’s big yellow ass will not covert your children to paganism.

The only thing you should worry about your children having is a lack of a choice...

...and if you keep censoring only the people that you think you oppose, you're eventually going to be censored yourself.