Freeman's Fire

Hey everybody.

What the fuck happened to the Disney Channel?

It used to be a quality channel that my grandmother paid extra for, because it offered stuff for kids during the day (Dumbo's Circus, Pooh's Corner, etc) and stuff for adults at night (old Disney stuff from the 50's) , but now it's just for kids.

I'm fine with that.

But when did they officially enter the "hip hop generation" and start adding "hip hop" beats to their shows' soundtracks? It's lame, it's fake, and the kids aren't going to buy into that shit. And if they do, then let's all pray to God that those kids die, because they're fucking poseurs.

I'm sorry, but adding a thumping bass track to "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody" doesn't make it cool, it makes it look like it should've been titled "White Executive's Idea Of What The Kids Like Nowadays." And the fact that the Asian chick is dumb and the black guy acts like a British dandy? We get it, Disney Channel, you don't stereotype your actors. Congratulations.

Fat Raven

And "That's So Raven" still hasn't become a hit show or a new slang term, has it? HAS IT, LILLY-WHITE EXECUTIVE? That's right, Disney suit, I'm asking you a question, you overpaid, disconnected, delusional cocksucker! Raven Symone is still just the same overacting kid from the Cosby Show with the one expression of "eyebrows that go too far up her forehead" shock, isn't she? She wasn't funny when she was six and the Cos was too old to realize his show was Jumping The Shark, and the twat isn't funny now.

Oh, and if that oversized pink camping tent that she's wearing is any indication, she's also morbidly obese.

Note to Disney: Tell Lindsay Lohan that it's okay if she starts eating again, because Disney hires all sizes of actresses!

I'm getting confused, so let me end this with a few final words of wisdom (or ignorant shit, depending on your perspective):

If there has ever been a victim of trying-too-hard, it's the Disney Channel. If Michael Eisner just came out and said he wanted to sell me a porcelain Mickey Mouse mug that was produced by slave labor in Thailand, I would gladly buy it. Mickey is a funny fuckin' mouse with big ears... I like him! And I hate Thai children!

But seriously, trying to wrap the whole Disney package in a doo-rag and a nose piercing? That just looks fake.

I end with a quote from a song:

"All the kids, they hold a grudge; you failed them and they won't forget it! All your crap won't save you from the kids! They saw what you did - you're all wrong and all the kids are right."
-Local H, All The Kids Are Right

freemansig (5K)

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