We're still working out some technical difficulties with the last episode. It was our first show from Brian The Producer's house, and he's still trying to work out some of the audio problems. This week's episode will be back at Studio 44 until we can fix the bugs. For this week's rant, I have several random subjects that I'd like to talk about:
• I just finished both of Howard Stern's books, Private Parts and Miss America, and now I'm moving on to Jerry Springer's autobiography, Ringmaster. You might not agree with the content of the Bob Freeman Show, but you have to admire my dedication to filth.
• Speaking of Howard Stern, there's a lot of talk that Howard isn't as good as he used to be. His ratings were down to 7.2 last month, his lowest rating since 1995. Most people are giving other DJs credit for Howard's decline - namely shock jocks like Opie and Anthony out of New York. Now, there's no denying that Stern isn't at the top of his game right now, but I don't give these guys much credit for that. I mean, there are about ten thousand other disc jockey teams in America who are doing the same schtick, and they all have names like Don and Mike, Sean and Jeff, and so on. Every DJ team is the same - it's two white guys sitting behind a microphone, making lame jokes about the day's news. The funny thing is, most of these duos are comprised of guys who are intensely competitive with each other, and they usually break up before their contracts are up. If they really want to win over listeners and dethrone Stern, they should take a page out of his book - drop the act and tell the fucking truth. Here's a suggestion to Infinity Broadcasting and all the other radio networks - fire all your DJs and hire me, Bob Freeman. The world would be a better place.
• Have you seen the commercials for that new Spike Lee movie, The Kings Of Comedy? It's basically just two hours of black comedians doing their stand-up routines on film. Hey, I might watch those guys when they're on HBO during one of the free HBO weekends, but I'm sure as hell not going to pay $7.50 to watch Steve Harvey talking about 'white folk.' Didn't it take about two seconds for his last WB sitcom to get cancelled? And why the hell does Spike insist on referring to his movies as 'joints?'
• Somebody asked me to make a list of the five sexiest women in Hollywood, and it sounded like a good idea, so expect to hear that on the show soon. I'm currently favoring Carmen Electra for the number one spot, but stay tuned to the show to see if she stays there. She's definitely not the kind of chick you'd take home to Mom, but there's something inherently sexy about a whore who screws basketball players. She's like the slutty cheerleader from every high school - you resent her and think she's a piece of trash, but you'd bang her in a second.
• I'm getting sick and tired of listening to those bleeding-heart liberals criticize George W. Bush for his stance on the death penalty. Hey, I'm not saying George is a great guy (and I'm not even sure that I'll vote for him), but how can you disagree with capitol punishment? People think the electric chair is cruel and unusual punishment? If I was president, I would invent the electric bleachers! Fry all those bastards, all at once. Hell, they should let us broadcast the executions on the Bob Freeman Show - we'd get the best ratings ever!
• I'm going to be a groomsman in my cousin's wedding this Sunday, and I'm not really sure what to expect. It's my first time actually participating in a wedding. Nobody ever picked me as a ring bearer when I was a little kid, which probably means I was too ugly. Anyway, the role of a groomsman is pretty simple - I just have to walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids, and then just stand on the altar during the ceremony and try to look stoic. I hope they give me a hot bridesmaid.
• By the way, a few fans have e-mailed me recently and asked what kind of beer I drink. No, seriously, I'm not making this up- people actually want to know. Well, to answer your question, I've recently gotten into the habit of buying one or two of those 40-ounce bottles, because my funds have been limited lately. I pick Mickey's when it's available, or Country Club or Old English when they don't have that. The beautiful thing about a 40 is that you don't have to share it with everybody at the party - and if somebody wants a sip, just tell 'em you have AIDS or something. Remember: the cheaper the beer is, the fewer people will want to drink it, and that means more for you.
• That's all for this week. I got quite a few responses from my Baby Boomers column last week, so thanks to everybody who responded to it. And for those of you who sent me hatemail about the article, just remember this - I might be a bitter asshole, but at least I use spellcheck.
See you next week.
